my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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