wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
