he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
