My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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