i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We have so much sex to catch up on
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
