im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
