I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
