I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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