Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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