I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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