My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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