i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
either way he was missing a nipple.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
