Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
