My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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