I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize