Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
