The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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