then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
