The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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