Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
