Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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