fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
