Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
