Non-Jews are for practice
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
