walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
