no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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