We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
