it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
