I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
bring money and cleavage
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
