Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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