Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
