what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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