My first STD was from a foam party
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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