you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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