I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
