Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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