im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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