What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
