theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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