i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize