We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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