I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
