did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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