Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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