you would pick up someone in the library
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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