wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
