dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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