are you so shy because you have an std?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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