dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize