Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
