you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
