I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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