p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
