i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
