Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
