Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm like, not good at living.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
