apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
