I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
