She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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