I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
