my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
