A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
