I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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