woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
