I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
