im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
