Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
