WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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