Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
