No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
