So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize