so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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