Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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