If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
