There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
