It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
