I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
