I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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