tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This baby is an asshole
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
