You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just forgot I was standing up.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
