Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
